who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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