one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They took my balls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
