My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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