We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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