Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize