Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
