i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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