her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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