sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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