he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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