white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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