Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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