You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
