i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
