do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
