i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
