well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I want is dick and wine.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
