I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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