Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
