she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
