My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
