WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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