She's JV to your varsity
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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