theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
