You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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