I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
