Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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