ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
