Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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