Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
