It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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