Yo dont text me then not text me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize