I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
