I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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