Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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