Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
