Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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