Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
