my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
