I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
