So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
