i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
