Rock
Scissors
Fuck
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Four minutes until I can fart!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
