listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
