just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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