Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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