ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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