Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
