Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
