walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
