I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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