You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
