Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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