accomplished twins. life is a go
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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