May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
