Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
