problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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