I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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