Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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