I just cut my nipple shaving
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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