i just wanna soil my oats bro
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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