I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Alive.
So much puke
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize