I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
