(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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