The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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