Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
