you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
