i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
