I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
