I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
