i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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