that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
