I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
